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Back Relief Breathing -         Laughing Monkey Medicine 

This laughing is for you if you want IMMEDIATE

  • relief from pain, ache and discomfort

  • reduction of blood sugar

  • reduction of bloating, wind and gas

  • relief from cramps, including leg cramps, menstrual cramps, stitch (diaphragm cramps), asthma (cramping of the smooth muscles of your lungs), angina (cramping of your heart muscle), migraine (cramping of the muscles in the blood vessel walls), birthing cramps (reducing birthing pain massively) and back cramps and spasm

  • reduction of blood pressure (and how to raise it in 2-3 breaths)

  • relief from muscular aches and pains

  • relief from stress and tension (the type which makes you want to kick the shit out of your computer but it's too expensive to do so)

  • boosting your vital eliminative, digestive, lung and brain capacity

  • reduction of fat that you can feel

  • reversal of cancer

using breathing, toning and laughing. Laughing is 42,000 times more important than food in health and healing, but you only laugh at jokes and comedy.

 

Now it's time to laugh without those stimuli, on specific sounds, for specific parts of your body and for specific purposes. For example, Laugh Down on the sound of "er" to release cramps immediately.

 

Use the Cramps Relieving Tongue Position to double the effectiveness of that. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Precede it with an affirmation to boost that again. Use a prayer instead of an affirmation to double the effectiveness of that.

 

Practise all of that so that you don't have to suffer from recurring leg cramps, asthma (a cramping of the smooth muscles of the lungs) or angina (a cramping of the heart muscle).  For the pain of cramps during birthing (which is a significant amount of the pain during birthing), don't do the exercises except during the week beforehand so that you don't set off the process too early.

And practise the whole procedure at regular intervals during the day to relieve continuous back spasm, which causes so much limitation of mobility that even fit people like cricketers have had to be left out from an important Cricket Test because they lacked this simple knowledge. 

To get this simple knowledge for the rest of your life, practise the exercises on this website, especially the ones below.

Laughing Monkey Medicine Training - you cannot sin while laughing

Even if you get the number of outbursts wrong, you are laughing, and laughing is good for you. You might not be laughing the exact number to affect the exact part of the body that you need to energise with that sound, but it's not going to hurt you to laugh!

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Laughing Monkey Medicine Practice

Listen to the jokes and laugh with the laughers on each, pure vowel. Eventually you will master Laughing Down on exactly 14 outbursts. It takes lots of practice, so with each section labelled as Laughing Monkey Medicine Practice on this website, do it.

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Your Body's Actual Needs

Your body requires two hours of LIGHT exercise a day - gardening, strolling, Buzzing. That's anything you can do while at the same time singing.

Your body requires 90 minutes of MODERATE exercise a day - power walking, trampolining, swinging through the treetops, jogging, playing social sports, Buzzing. That's anything you can do while at the same time talking, but not singing.

Your body requires 30 minutes of HIGH INTENSITY Interval Training a day - and this can be done by sprinting, cycling hard on a stationary cycle, or Buzzing. That's going so full out for 14 breaths that you cannot sing or speak, and then resting and breathing for 14 breaths for recovery. 

The exercise of your diaphragm and abdominal muscles (your "core" muscles) is the most important thing about your exercise periods, so when doing LIGHT exercise, sing songs or simply ad lib tunes ("la dee da dee da"). And when doing MODERATE exercise, Laugh Down. Laugh Downs count AS moderate exercise.

Laugh Down from high to low, from loud to soft and from fast to slow. Listen to the Laugh Down example tracks on this page to get used to the simple sounds and how to do them.

To understand how to Buzz, which can be done by those with most disabilities as well as those with full health, watch these videos.

How to Remember your first Seven Vowels

1 Hum down with your tongue tip touching the air, to clear stress and trauma.

2 "OO" down to ease inflammation in your whole body, to free yourself of the stress causing the inflammation.

Quick tips to remember your lips

Notice how wide your lips are on different vowels. 

1 Air.  Wide lips → physical

2 Ah.  Not so wide lips → emotional

3 Aw.  Less wide lips → mental

4 Er.  Less wide lips →motivational

5 Ee.  Less wide lips. Expressive.

6 Uu as in "could, would or should" or "wood".  Less wide lips. Intuitive

7 Oo as in "too".  Narrow lips. Freedom...feeling free

Pain Relief Breathing

Laugh Down on the sound of "air", with 14 outbursts in one out breath. This relieves pain, ache, discomfort and inflammation, and activates and relaxes your rectus abdominis muscle, which runs up the centre of your belly.

It helps your sensory organs, including your nociceptors (pain sensors), taste buds, touch, hearing, vision, electromagnetic waves, and immunity. The sound of "zhair", for example, is more specific to your eyes and therefore works more quickly and effectively at helping eyesight, reducing eye pressure (if you give up caffeine and take up eggplant this will also help).

 

The more specific you get the better you get. But as a beginner, feel grateful for a sound that will get you well on your way.

Feel your abs with your hands. Your abs are part of your recturs abdominis muscle. Feel how Laughing Down on "air" activates and relaxes them.

 

Usually the pain goes down immediately and continues to go down as you continue to do the laughing technique. 80% of people go from 10/10 pain to 5/10 pain in 7 breaths, and 1/10 pain in 14 breaths. Click here to learn how.

 

The 20% who don't, don't for 2 reasons - dehydration and chest breathing, usually the latter. In this case you will need to practise the laughing exercise every day for 7 minutes before breakfast, lunch, dinner and bedtime until you master belly breathing. This is true for all breathing techniques. 

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Sugar Down

Laugh Down on the sound of "ah", with 14 outbursts in one out breath. This reduces blood sugar, and activates and relaxes your oblique and transverse abdominis muscles, which runs across the centre of your belly.

It helps your sphincters and ducts, allowing them to relax and open more to release excess toxicity - such as excess fat, mucous and heavy metals - from your body. It also helps them to let in fluids such as food, water and even light. This includes your lips, eyelids, anus, capillary sphincters, pancreatic duct sphincters, pyloric valve and ileocecal valve, bladder sphincters and many more. Thus, it may be useful for high blood sugar, incontinence, projectile vomiting, sore lips, hemorrhoids (piles) and many more conditions of distress.

 

The more specific you get the better you get. But as a beginner, feel grateful for a sound that will get you well on your way.

Feel your waist with your hands. Your external obliques are at your waist and can be felt relaxing and softening when you Laugh Down on "ah" .

 

Usually the blood sugar goes down immediately and continues to go down as you continue to do the laughing technique. Keep doing it for 14 breaths. Click here to learn how.

 

Those who don't, don't for 2 reasons - dehydration and chest breathing, usually the latter. In this case you will need to practise the laughing exercise every day for 7 minutes before breakfast, lunch, dinner and bedtime until you master belly breathing. This is true for all breathing techniques. 

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Bloat Buster

Laugh Down on the sound of "aw", with 14 outbursts in one out breath. It activates and relaxes your diaphragm. (NOT A GOOD RECORDING BUT AT LEAST YOU HAVE THE CORRECT SOUND)

 

It helps your exocrine glands such as your exocrine pancreas. This improves your digestion and therefore helps to stop fermentation, bloating, wind and gas. Each exocrine gland does something different, so this general treatment for your exocrine glands can be made more specific for stronger, quicker results. For example, Laugh Down on "baw" for your exocrine pancreas, and Laugh Down on "shaw" for your exocrine prostate.

If you want to reduce your bloating, wind and gas with the Bloat Buster Breathing Technique, click here to watch the video, which only takes a few minutes. Usually the bloating goes down immediately and continues to go down as you continue to do the breathing technique. 80% of people go from 10/10 pain to 5/10 pain in 7 breaths, and 1/10 pain in 14 breaths. 

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Pressure Down

You can feel your blood pressure at your temples. The nearest dip to your eyes in each temple will feel flat to the bone if you press it and your blood pressure is down. It it is up the dip will feel full or even puffy.

 

So feel your temples, then place your tongue in the Pressure Down or Cramps Relief Tongue Position and laugh out on the sound of "er" 14 times. Then feel your temples again. They will be flatter.

 

They may have gone right down, but if they haven't simply repeat the exercise a few times until they have.

Laugh Down on the sound of "er", with 14 outbursts in one out breath. This activates and relaxes your transverse abdominus, which runs across your belly horizontally.

Feel half way between your abs and your waist with your hands. Feel how Laughing Down on "er" activates and relaxes your transverse abdominis muscle. Then Laugh Down again and feel how it relaxes your temples, making them more puffy.

Then do the feeling and laughing exercise with the Tongue Position at odd, rest times throughout your day, and at least before breakfast, lunch, dinner and bedtime. Continue to do this every day until your blood pressure is stably down. From now on, check your temples daily before breakfast, lunch, dinner and bedtime. 

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Cramps Relief 

 Pressure Down Breathing is also called your Cramps Relieving Breathing Technique, so click here to watch the video, which only takes a few minutes. Usually the cramps, spasm, back pain, stitch, birthing pain, asthma, angina, migraine or stitch goes down immediately and continues to go down as you continue to do the breathing technique. 80% of people go from 10/10 pain to 5/10 pain in 7 breaths, and 1/10 pain in 14 breaths. Click here to learn how.

It helps your organs, so you might use it to boost your heart, spleen, lungs, kidneys, liver, pericardium and peritoneum. If you wish to get more specific you might try "wher" for your lungs so that you breathe better, or "zhee" for your liver to detoxify better. 

 

Remember that toxicity causes inflammation, which causes chronic (long term) dis-ease, so "zhee" may help with many conditions. 

Diaphragm Tongue Position

Laugh Down on the sound of "ee" to activate and relax your diaphragm, which is the largest, most powerful muscle in your body. It contracts downwards to pull oxygen into your lungs, thus displacing your abdominal organs.

 

So when somebody says that they breathe in the chest because that's where the lungs are, they don't breathe well. They are simply using their intercostal or chest muscles to expand the chest, but only pulling in 25% of their oxygen.

 

When somebody says that they "belly breathe" they mean that they are pulling the diaphragm down and displacing the abdominal organs so that the belly goes OUT when they breathe IN. In this way they are getting 75% of their oxygen.

 

Normal breathing is belly breathing. Chest breathing is auxiliary.

 

If you want to reduce your stress and tension, the kind which makes you want to kick the shit out of the computer, click here to watch the video, with the Diaphragm Breathing Technique, which only takes a few minutes.

Feel your apex of your upper belly with your hands. Feel how Laughing Down on "ee" activates and relaxes them, so that your apex relaxes deeply.

 

Usually the stress and tension goes down immediately and continues to go down as you continue to do the breathing technique. 80% of people go from 10/10 pain to 5/10 pain in 7 breaths, and 1/10 pain in 14 breaths. Click here to learn how.

The sound of "ee" helps your hormone receptors, so it's useful for many metabolic dis-eases including diabetes, addiction to smoking, myasthenia gravis and pain relief (endorphin receptors). The sound of "jee", for example, cools you down! To hear it well, listen closely.

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Donkey Breathing for           Dropping Diabetes

Place the tip of your tongue on the front of your bottom teeth, breathe in on the sound of "ee" and then, with the tip of your tongue just under your bottom lip (inside your mouth), breathe out on the sound of "aw". This activates your diaphragm to breathe in more strongly, and your internal obliques to breathe out more strongly, massaging your pancreas from both directions (up and down) to push the excess fat (fatty acids), mucous (amino acids) and heavy metals out of it, allowing your pancreas to restore its vitality and function.

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Vitality Breathing

Laugh Down on the sound of "uu" as in "would" to activate and relax your Inspiratory Intercostal muscles. Use this to add oxygen beyond the 75% that belly breathing gives you.

 

If you want to boost your vitality, using the Vitality Boosting Breathing Technique for increasing your Vital Elimination Capacity, your Vital Digestive Capacity, your Vital Lung Capacity and your Vital Brain Capacity, click here to watch the video, which only takes a few minutes. Usually the vitality grows immediately and continues to grow as you continue to do the breathing technique. 80% of people go up in 7 breaths, and comes to a new level in 14 breaths. Click here to learn how.

The sound of "uu" is for your hormones, so it may help with diabetes, erectile dysfunction (5% of cases), estrogen and progesterone imbalances (dysmenorrhea), low thyroid and much more. If you need more estrogen, progesterone or testosterone you might try Laughing Down on "shee" to boost your libido. And if you wish to sleep better you might try increasing melatonin with "zhee". 

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Anti-Asthma Breathing

Laugh Down on the sound of "oo" as in "you" to activate and relax your Expiratory Intercostal muscles. The problem with most cases of asthma is the inability to breathe OUT.

 

 

 

So Laughing Down 14 times on one out breath makes you breathe out, then breathe in from your lower belly using your diaphragm first, then your upper belly, then your lower chest and last of all your Inspiratory Intercostals, then focus on your Expiratory Intercostals using the sound "oo" again. This will train you to breathe well.

 

Asthma is simply a poor breathing habit based on the misunderstanding that your breathing is done by chest muscles, whereas it is done 75% by belly muscles and only 25% by chest muscles.  You feel like you don't have enough air because you don't use your diaphragm to pull in and move your belly and lower back, and you don't use your abdominal muscles to squeeze out the air from your chest. 

It's like having a big shit. You squeeze your abdominal muscles to shit, speak or sing - especially for singing. 

The sound of "oo" helps your specialised tissues, such as your hair, nails, eye muscles, tongue, so it may be useful to relax your tongue longer, ease eye strain and strengthen and glorify your hair and nails.

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Stand up Straight

Laugh Down on the sound of "a" as in "hat", with 14 outbursts on one outbreath. Then breathe in from your lower belly. This technique activates and relaxes your erector spinae muscles, improving your posture and preventing rounded shoulders.

Now bend over. Do not force. The greatest force in healing is gentleness. Just see how far you can bend. 

Then, while bending, Laugh Down and see how much further it relaxes you down. That's because that sound activates and relaxes your erector spinae muscles.

The sound of "a" helps your tissues, including your skin, so do it 14 times to create smoother skin. To get more specific, use "va". This same sound may be used for the top layer of skin around your body, in your lungs and in your intestines, so it's very useful to improve breathing and relax your digestion as well. 

Other tissues include bone, tendons and ligaments and muscle tissue. Laugh Down on "ba" to strengthen your muscles, such as your biceps muscle. Feel a bicep muscle with your other hand, then Laugh Down 14 times on "ba", then feel it again. The increase in strength is immediate! Try it while exercising to boost your body strength.

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Spinal Alignment

Laugh Down on the sound of "o" as in "hot" with 14 outbursts on one out breath. Do it 14 times, then stand up and feel how much easier it is to stand in a relaxed, aligned way, with better, more central posture. It activates and relaxes your Multifidus muscles, which stabilise your vertebrae as your spine moves.

If you want to reduce your eye pressure with this Spinal Alignment technique, click here to watch the video, which only takes a few minutes. Usually the eye pressure goes down immediately and continues to go down as you continue to do the breathing technique.

 

80% of people go from 10/10 pain to 5/10 pain in 7 breaths, and 1/10 pain in 14 breaths. The same technique relieves muscular aches and pains. Click here to learn how.

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Neck and Shoulder Tension

Your trapezius muscle runs from your neck to your shoulder. Feel its tension. Rate it from 1-10, with 10 being the highest tension.

Now Laugh Down on the sound of "wer" with 14 outbursts on one out breath. Laugh Down 14 times. Feel how your trapezius muscle relaxes and softens.

You have 14, major breathing muscles. Each one relates to a different sound and a different Tongue Position. Combine the sound with the Tongue Position to get the best results.

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Mantras and Diabetes

You can even relax the sphincter muscles of your pancreatic accessory duct and pancreatic main duct. This allows out the excess fat and mucous trapped in your pancreas, so if you are diabetic you need to practise this daily to lower your Blood Sugar on a constant basis.

Laugh Down the mantra "Baa" 14 times on one outbreath, and feel how the apex of your upper belly relaxes more. A mantra is a sound with a consonant plus a vowel. There are 196 mantras that you can use for specific body parts, such as specific sphincter sets. They give you control over your body through sound. 

Laughing is 42,000 times more important for your health than the food that you eat. You can laugh on the sound "air" for your rectus abdominis muscle and pain relief, "ee" for your diaphragm, "w" for your trapezius and "th" for your quadratus lumborum, to name a few.

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Acid Reflux and Projectile Vomiting

Laugh Down on the Mantra "Paa" to activate and relax your pyloric sphincter, which is as the beginning of your small intestine and at the bottom of your stomach. If it's too closed, through tension, a baby will do projectile vomiting and you might get something close to that, called acid reflux or sour regurgitation.

 

The same Mantra works well for your ileocecal valve too. That's at the end of your small intestine. Feel the area on the right side of your belly now. Then Laugh Down "Pah" 14 times. Then feel again and notice how much more relaxed it is. (TRACK NOT FOUND YET)

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"Buffalo Hump" or "Dowager's Hump"

Laugh Down on the sound "y" 14 times on one out breath, to activate and relax your rhomboid muscles, relieving "Buffalo Hump" or "Dowager's Hump" at the back of your neck.

Go for a slow walk, Laughing Down on "y". Feel how your rhomboids pull your shoulders back to ease down stooping.

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Joint Pain Relief

Laugh Down on the sound "gh" as the Dutch and Germans do it, 14 times on one out breath, to activate and relax your rhomboid muscles, relieving "Buffalo Hump" or "Dowager's Hump" at the back of your neck. This helps with activating and relaxing your joints, including your spinal joints (two with each vertebra).

 

 

 

Yes, this will help give you more mobility. I met a retired chemist, however, who also changed his diet. He had ankylosing spondulitis (arthritis of the spine) so badly that he was bedridden. Then, by changing his diet to one that included ONLY organically grown, raw fruits and vegetables, he recovered and was walking up hills.

 

So go walking while Laughing Down this mantra, and feel how it frees up your movement step by step. Also feel how your lats (latissimus dorsi) muscles - your largest back muscles - keep your back upright to ease down stooping. 

To hear this and double the effectiveness with a Tongue Position, press the BANANA button.

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Piles (Hemorrhoids) and
Singing High Notes

Laugh Down on the sound of "r" - a rolled "r". Or simply roll the "r" downwards. This activates and relaxes your levator ani, which forms the strap underneath your torso. 

 

Great opera singers get the high notes. They are taught to imagine a $2 coin between their buttocks and squeeze it just before attempting the high notes. It works, because it squeezes your tummy even more. 

It also relieves and prevents piles (hemorrhoids), which can be very, very painful, so do this laughing with squeezing as a daily practice. 

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Lower Back Pain from                       Hip Misalignment

Laugh Down on the sound of "th" with 14 outbursts on one out breath to ease Lower Back Pain. Yes, other sounds help too, This one simply tucks your tail under, helping to align your hips.

 

 

 

Other good sounds for Lower Back Pain are "er" for cramps and spasm, "ee" for your diaphragm to massage you from the inside, "a" for the erector spinae to pull your head back into alignment so that it doesn't sit so heavily on your neck and shoulders and "air" for pain, especially lower back pain caused by a weak, abdominal girth.

If you want to reduce your constipation using this constipation clearing breathing technique, click here to watch the video, which only takes a few minutes. Usually the congestion goes down immediately and continues to go down as you continue to do the breathing technique.

 

The same technique relieves congestion, catarrh, cataracts, constipation and cancer. Click here to learn how.

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Skin Balance and Major Body Structures

If your skin is too oily Laugh Down on "m" 14 times on one outbreath. This releases Superconscious stress, freeing you from past, sexual repression and rolling both hips down in the direction of thrusting. 

If your skin is too rough Laugh Down on "k" 14 times on one out breath. This releases Unconscious stress, freeing you from old, habit patterns of behaviour that no longer serve you.

If your skin is too sensitive Laugh Down on "l" with 14 outbursts on one out breath. This releases Subconscious stress, freeing you from old perceptions that influenced your current life in unnecessarily magnified ways, and freeing the apex of your upper belly so that your pancreas can function better and thickening your skin against wrinkles. This rolls your ribs back and down, preventing and easing migraines.

If you skin is too dry Laugh Down on "n" with 14 outbursts on one out breath. This rolls both shoulders back and down, freeing you from Conscious stress when contemplating the future and building scenarios in your mind that never come to pass, but simply cause inflammatory upset, creating the hell of unfounded anger, anxiety and fear, which in their turn create a wide variety of dis-eases.

Remember that toxicity causes inflammation which causes long term dis-ease. Toxicity can be from overload, and it can also arise from the wrong ordering of processes in the body, emotions and mind. Try using "n" with each vowel (of the nine, pure vowels shown on this website page) and discover which combination relaxes you the most. Then Laugh Down daily with that syllable, such as "nah", to release its related, attaching thoughts (such as worry, using 'nah").

Fat Burning

If you want to reduce your fat, overweight, oversize or obesity with the Fat Burning Breathing Technique, click here to watch the video, which only takes a few minutes. Usually the fat goes down immediately and continues to go down as you continue to do the breathing technique. To learn more, press the BANANA button.?????

Learning to Breathe, Stage One

Learn to distinguish between chest and belly breathing.

 

Chest = NO.

Belly = YES.

 

Learn more in Laughing Monkey Medicine (this page) as well as The Bullshitometer (a FREE bonus item with the song No Balls but it's Cricket and with the album Toilet Music for Constipated Lovers). 

Learning to Breathe, Stage Two

You learn Four Part Breathing - Lower Belly, Upper Belly, Lower Chest and Upper Chest.

 

Lower Belly = YES.

Upper Belly = Maybe.

Lower Chest = More Information Please.

Upper Chest = NO.

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Learning to Breathe, Stage Four

You learn Seven Element Breathing, which is very specific. For example, you learn to breathe specifically for your eyes, your pancreas, your skin and so on. Learn more in Seven Element Breathing (on subpages to this page).

Learning to Breathe, Stage One - Two Part Breathing

Laughing Monkey Medicine Training

1 Stick your tongue forwards. The root of your tongue sits on your airway, so this allows more air in and out.

2 Laugh with 14 out bursts of sound on one out breath.

3 Notice that when you breathe in it starts from your lower belly, and when you laugh again - 14 times on your next out breath - it starts from your lower belly.

Two Part Breathing and Healing

Let's get more effective. When you make a statement it's from your Conscious Mind, which uses over 1% of your brain power. Your Subconscious (Perceptive) Mind uses over 4% of your brain power. Your Unconscious Mind uses over 94% of your brain power. 

Your Unconscious Mind governs your health and healing - blood pressure, blood sugar, posture, spinal alignment and breathing when you Conscious Mind isn't thinking about it. Your Conscious Mind cannot say "Neck and shoulders relax rapidly now" and get a result. It's not within its jurisdiction.

So if you want immediate healing results you must communicate with your Unconscious Mind. How?

Hum to it! Your Unconscious Mind loves music! You don't listen to your favourite song because your Conscious Mind thinks that it's well structured. You listen to it to enjoy it, to feel it. 

Hum Down

So place the tip of your tongue out on your chin and Hum Down - from high to low - ONCE ONLY.  Then relax and breathe for 14 breaths. You get diaphragmatic breathing - whole belly breathing. Listen and feel.

Your tongue position was for Belly Breathing. You dropped it into your Unconscious Mind, which paid attention to it for 14 breaths. Well done!