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Proof of Back Relief

This section of the website includes photos of spine straightening in 7 minutes and full straightening overnight. In fact, the best photos show that a woman used as a demonstration model at a seminar straightened her own spine overnight so that in the afternoon of the Sunday the photo showed it as completely well aligned.


Amazingly, her spine was so bad that she had rods put into it. Then she was in so much pain that she had the rods taken out. Then she came to the seminar, lost her pain quickly and straightened her own spine herself through relaxing her back straight. 

It also includes radio talkback in which those who rang in learned simple methods for relieving their back pain, applied it for  15 minutes at home, and reported back by phoning in again. Over 80% had success in back pain relief!


This section also includes the Disclaimer, which, like most disclaimers, says that we take as much care as we can but no responsibility for your misperception of our instructions and for you not doing the full, health program. In self-healing, if you don't work it, it doesn't work.

It also includes, on pages following it, the most exciting photos you have ever seen in natural healing - photos of body regrowth. That's right, one of the photos actually shows deep scarring which regrows significantly in 20 minutes. The times are on the photos!

Once you know how to regrow any part of the body you know how to recover from any injury or dis-ease, or to improve any sporting or mental ability, at the fastest rate. This is the standard of natural healing that I set myself in 1985-6 when I first discovered how to do it. 

After that you can hear many snippets of talkback radio shows in which I taught the public how to heal pain, ache, discomfort and other conditions of distress with breathing, and their feedback. 80% of my radio clients got success!

And after that you can learn

  • Our policy on abusive behaviour

  • The seven secrets of running a successful, natural health business

  • How to demystify doctor speak and the effects of money on medicine

  • How to engage in Catchy Conversation

  • Healers, natural healing and natural health

  • FAQs

  • Support

  • Contact

And after that, if you are extremely open-minded and non-judgmental, comes a section of pure jokes. You will want this when your father or mother has died, to laugh you up out of your down state.


But it is ADULTS ONLY and full of rude, politically incorrect and crazy jokes for when you need them most, so DO NOT approach them in a judgmental frame of mind. If you do, and you are offended, then please go to a psychologist and ask them why you think you are the Thought Police and what you can do to stop this addiction. 

Remember, if you have to be fundamentalist, start putting da fun before da mental! 

How Cheeky Monkey got his Name

I was born in South Africa in 1954. Monkeys were a fun part of life for me, and baboons a scary part. 

Sometimes I would tease my mother or father as the monkeys would tease the dogs on my walk to school. So mum and dad called me "Cheeky Monkey".

Sometimes, in my little monkey's imagination, I would run away from home and join the monkey family in the forested park, swinging through the trees! 

So if you have any little, cheeky monkeys or big gorillas at home, show them this website so that they too might benefit from the natural knowledge in Forest Park.

Tarzan's Law

This website is not for humans - only monkeys, chimpanzees, orang utans and gorillas. It comes under the jurisdiction of Tarzan's Law, so it contains jokes, stories, songs and natural lifestyle thinking guaranteed to offend the Thought Police.

It is a politically incorrect work of fiction because many monkeys want to feel free to laugh at anything. Let those who have ears, hear. 

Charles Darwin is God (no, that's a joke, but God has a perfect sense of humour so I feel sure that he would appreciate it). Remember, if God didn't have a sense of humour, he wouldn't be perfect. So if you wish to walk more closely to God, laugh more often.

 This website is not for humans. It's for gorillas, orang utans, chimpanzees and monkeys only, so it comes under Tarzan's Law. If you have any little monkeys or big gorillas at home, stay here and learn while you laugh at comedy and comedy songs, and even nothing at all!


Learn to laugh away your pain, ache, discomfort, cramps, stress, tension, sag, tiredness and fatigue and boost your energy with boosted breathing, which is laughing with specific sounds. You can do this for you and your family at home, for FREE, for the rest of your life.

This website is politically incorrect. My father taught me to laugh at anything. He was in concentration camp during World War II. He went up the Burmese railroad and was partially responsible for building a bridge over the River Kwai, on a handful of rice a day. 300,000 men went up, 50,000 came back. When he received beatings from the Japanese soldiers he took off his glasses and laughed. 

He taught me how to laugh at adversity. My sister threatened to kill me hundreds of times. She tried to kill me at least three times. She stabbed me in my right eye and beat me up until I was 15 years old and strong enough and big enough to beat her back. Then she stopped, until I got too close to her when I was 41 years old and she punched me in the jaw. 

Because of my blind spot on my right side I have stubbed my toe often in my life. Cursing and swearing didn't help the pain. Amazingly, I discovered that laughing does. So first I burst out laughing.


Then, when I have calmed down a little, I pray for "immediate pain relief", and go on laughing with my tongue in the Pain Relief Tongue Position and on the sound of "air". It works immediately.


Then I use one of the Sustaining Techniques to recover over the next few minutes, few hours or few days. I don't need to stay in a state of distress, and laughing busts me out of it. 

This works for emotional, mental and motivational distress too. So stop taking offence at politically incorrect jokes. Laugh at them and free yourself from your own, related distress. Laughing takes your power back and frees you from the grip of your ego.


This fantasy website contains jokes guaranteed to offend the Thought Police, the Freedom of Speech Police. It contains jokes that you have heard before but forgot to write down. All sorts of institutions - like family, religion and royalty, women and men, cricket and football and even prudes and the poor downers who take themselves seriously and love to control others - get a serve. There's nothing sick or gross, just funny, rude and politically incorrect jokes to make you FREE in your diaphragm and, therefore, all of your muscles.

Some of the kids say that gorillas are fat, ugly slobs with a face like a sheep's butt. I tell them gorillas are NOT fat!

Some of the kids say that monkeys are hyperactive smartarses. I tell them that a smartarse is someone who can sit on an ice cream and tell you its flavour, so I guess that's true of me , Cheeky Monkey, because I have designed over 70 ice creams and sat on and rated their flavours. See my page called Laughing Monkey Ice Creams - press the BANANA  button now. 

We tried to re-engineer the poor humans by giving them quackcines with monkey genes, but that experiment failed. They did not grow more hair! Nevertheless they serve as willing subjects for experiments, photos and videos, because of their hirsute deficiency (embarrassing). 

This website is a work of fiction. Like the Christian Holy Bible, which has parables, songs, poems, stories and hyperbole, this website has stories, songs, poems and hyperbole. Like the Christian Holy Bible, it also contains wisdom and truth. Let those who have ears, hear.

Just as the Christian Holy Bible is fictional, so is this website. You see, my pastor – Scott – read to me from the King James version of the Bible, while I read a modern translation of the New Testament from the Aramaic. The words were very different – although the overall message was the same.

Scott told me that the Bible contains stories (parables), songs, poems and hyperbole. As a songwriter I know that you have to fit words that approximate the truth into the lines and metre of the song or poem, and as an advertiser for my seminars I know that you have to fit words into the format and length of the advertisement. It’s about timing and space.

As well, the Bible says that Jesus Christ walked on water. My computer tutor, who believes in God – a Higher Power – but not all the stuff that goes with it, believes that there could have been a sandbank keeping the water shallow in that part of the sea.

My perspective is completely different. I have levitated my physical body over two feet upwards from my bed, while sitting in a cross-legged position and wearing a kilt – and the kilt lifted first. I touched the ceiling and came down.

It wasn’t a miracle that caused me to do it, just a simple, mental technique. So I have faith that a Son of God like Jesus Christ can do that – and walking on water isn’t as big a deal as flying through the air.

Words are symbols that give you an approximate idea of what happened. They are not the complete truth. For example, the Bible does not say the temperature of the water. Anybody can walk on ice.

Nor does it say exactly where this took place, not the date and time.

Photos are also approximations. For example, many photos on this website show the date and time, but photos depend on lighting and lighting changes (in this case, from the morning of the Saturday to the afternoon of the Sunday of the weekend seminar).

Videos have similar problems. They don’t show everything that is, just a part of it, so they show a partial truth.

Thus, my Breath Testing says that, to me, the Bible is 60% true (believable) and the Gospel of Thomas (not in the Protestant Bible) is 80% true. That’s pretty high. Anything 80% or above I have faith in, not just belief.

So I Breath Test each phrase, sentence or passage in the Bible for its percentage of truth. I invite you to do the same for the words in this website, and the photos.

When you get Lower Belly Breathing that’s faith – 80% true. When you get Upper Belly Breathing that’s belief – 20%-80% true. In my perspective – my scale of trust – that’s not trustworthy enough.

As well, the Bible has many words of wisdom. Jesus Christ said “Let those who have ears, hear.” In other words, it’s up to you to get the message that’s relevant to you.

Some words you can have hope for – ones that have 20% truth. Some words you can believe in – ones that have 20%-80% truth. And some words you can have faith in – ones that have 80%-100% truth.

So Breath Test each website page and find the information that you need at that time. For example, check out the page on fasting before you engage in a fast, and check with other websites too. This website doesn’t tell you everything about fasting – just some basics.

Breath Test “This body needs to fast this week from Tuesday to Thursday”. Give it dates.

Breath Test when and where to do it. You are then living closer to YOUR truth, which is not the same for others, and which is different for you at different times – when you need to fast and when you don’t.

And when I say “Irisin (a hormone) worked well for me – to burn fat and stop overeating, especially to curb hunger when fasting” you may Breath Test and discover that it’s not for you, but that you need to open your irisin receptors.

The same for constipation. I might need motilin receptors and you might need motilin, or another hormone. We’re all different, and we all change, so our needs change. THAT’S the value of Breath Testing, the most valuable breathing technique that you can master.

Your 21 Terrible Sins

To enter heaven is easy. The Gospel of Thomas (3) says "Jesus said, "If those who lead you say to you, 'See, the kingdom is in the sky,' then the birds of the sky will precede you. If they say to you, 'It is in the sea,' then the fish will precede you. Rather, the kingdom is inside of you, and it is outside of you."

Thus, heaven is within you in your consciousness. And it's outside you, in your perception. 

Sins block your experience of heaven. They keep you in hell, which is separation from God. It's easy to tell each of the 20, terrible sins relate to the 10 commandments of Moses, the 2 commandments of Jesus Christ and the 8 Laws of Nature, which are the Laws of God. They are well elucidated in "The Ministry of Healing" by EG White, who was a founder of the Seventh Day Adventist Church.

The 10 Commandments of Moses

1 “I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. “You shall have no other gods before me.

 2 “You shall not make for yourself an image in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below.  You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me,  but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments.

3 “You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God, for the Lord will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name.

4  “Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy.  Six days you shall labor and do all your work,  but the seventh day is a sabbath to the Lord your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your male or female servant, nor your animals, nor any foreigner residing in your towns. For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.

 5 “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.

 6 “You shall not murder.

 7 “You shall not commit adultery.

 8 “You shall not steal.

9 “You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor.

10 “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male or female servant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.”

The Two Commandments of Jesus Christ

1 Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment.

2 Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.

The Nine Laws of Nature

These are the laws that God designed us to follow for our best of health. If we don't follow them, we suffer. It's our choice.

1 Think positively using affirmations or prayers. Trust that God will answer them if you obey his promptings, his signs. Pray and obey.

2 Exercise - do two hours of light exercise, 1.5 hours of moderate exercise and 0.5 hours of High Intensity Interval Training each day

3 Air - practise Open Airway breathing for at least 20 minutes per day

4 Water - drink one litre of purified water per 23 kgs of your body's weight, plus more for exercise or fever

5 Food - eat fruit and herbs

6 Sunlight - go to bed with the sun and get up with the sun. Consider that your insulin receptors are open when you are active during the day, so you do the most activity, and open when you are resting during the night, so you get the most healing.

7 Rest - meditate in the early morning before the sun gets up, or have a foot massage from Jesus Christ

8 Temperance/Substitution - say NO to substances that are bad for you and use all good things in moderation. If you are addicted to anything substitute it with something that gives you its benefits without its drawbacks. For example, instead of caffeine, try 2-3 Brazil nuts a day, a heaped tablespoon of tahini and 4-5 pecans for higher, natural energy.

9 Self-study - testing what you need, when, using Breath Testing and Press Testing.

To make this easy to remember, use the acronym NEW STARTS.

Nutrition - a Vitarian diet, such as that by Genesis 1:29

Exercise - Buzzing, based on the biological ability of shivering to restore microcirculation and cellular health

Water - purified and blessed in a sustained way

Sunlight - go to bed with the sun and get up with the sun

Temperance - substitute non-toxic for toxic substances for the same or better effect. For example, substitute caffeine products with Covid Conquering Cream or Covid Conquering Ice Cream for the massive energy it gives you, which sustains throughout your day, as opposed to caffeine which needs another shot every few hours

Air - Buzz Breathing to open your airway and get maximum energy

Rest - meditate or enjoy a massage in the early morning before the sun comes up

Trust in God - pray and obey. Pray using the Prime Commandment of Jesus. James 5:15 says "The fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much." Avoid the 20 Terrible Sins to qualify as "righteous".

Self-study - learn how to test yourself by observing your body. 

Heaven and Hell

 Jesus said, "If those who lead you say to you, 'See, the kingdom is in the sky,' then the birds of the sky will precede you. If they say to you, 'It is in the sea,' then the fish will precede you. Rather, the kingdom is inside of you, and it is outside of you." Thomas, (3)

In other words, heaven is a state of consciousness, a state of inner knowing. As well, it is a state of perception, a state of outer knowing. Heaven is always there, it's just about your access to heaven. If you follow God's Laws, the Laws of Nature, heaven is yours very quickly. If you don't, you miss the mark - you sin.

If God loves you, why is there hell? Because the definition of hell is separation from God, and although God loves you, you have to respond with love not to feel separate. So if you accept that love you find heaven inside and outside you, and if you don't accept that love - for example, by disobeying that rules of your creation - then you suffer hell. Hell is immediate, suffering in hell is immediate. 

For example, when you walk in the wrong direction, your breathing gets worse and when you walk in the right direction it gets better. When you eat food that God did not design your body to process you get sick, and when you eat food that God designed for your body you get better.

When the sun goes down you yawn, but if you don't pay attention to that and stay actively awake your body gets more insulin resistance. The same happens when you take bed rest in the daytime. 

Heaven is relationship with God, together with God. Because God is tolerant and respects your free will, God refuses to force you to live life now in a bonded relationship, but gives you a choice to do so when you are ready. In the meantime, you live in a more or less separated state of hell. God simply encourages you to love more, to bond more.

God won't force you to spend eternity together in heaven, and Jesus Christ won't ram his message down your throat. Instead, you can choose to spend eternity separate from God - that's hell.


It's not a party, because you are separated from the one who gave you all the tremendous gifts that you enjoy - your beauty, your intellect, your singing voice and much more. The closer you get to God, the more gifts you are open to receive, the more blessings God can bestow on you. 

So work with your consciousness and work with your perception so that you walk more closely with God every day. Practise Breath Testing as often as you can. It will tell you if you are moving in the direction of Heaven or Hell. 

1 Hell on a physical level is lack of connection to the physical world that God created for you. To reconnect to Heaven, follow the eight Laws of Nature.

2 Hell on an emotional level is lack of connection to your emotional world - anxiety, grief, fear, anger rather than calm fulfilment. To reconnect to Heaven

3 Hell on a mental level is lack of connection to the clarity of mind that God wishes for you. You bury your thoughts below alcohol, dulling food (animal products) or overloaded emotions. To reconnect to Heaven

4 Hell on a motivational or desire level is lack of connection to the true directions that you need to take in your career. To reconnect to Heaven

5 Hell on the level of expression is lack of connection to your speaking and singing voice, or other channels of communication. To reconnect to Heaven learn and practise speaking, singing and presentation as well as one to one communication such as Catchy Conversation.

6 Hell on an intuitive level is lack of connection to your own inner knowing. To reconnect to Heaven

7 Hell on the level of freedom is lack of connection to freedom of movement, including the freedom of assembly. To reconnect to Heaven release the constrictions governing your behaviours and realise that freedom always comes within the boundaries of love, so behave with love and humility.

8 Hell on the level of congruence is lack of congruence with the 10 Commandments, 2 overriding commandments and 8 Laws of Nature. To reconnect to Heaven clarify how you can follow these guiding principles better.

9 Hell on the level of roles, rights and relationships is lack of connection to the Souls around you rather than the roles you might be playing. For example, as a pastor do you need to support and encourage one of your parishioners or do you need to support church policy when a parishioner "slips through the cracks"? Clearly, the person. To reconnect to Heaven apologise to those who your dogmatic, judgemental approach has offended and listen to them carefully so that you hear their real message.

Practices of Natural Laws
Natural Laws were given to us by God. They govern how we treat our bodies, which were made to God's design. Break them and lose health. Keep them and gain health.

1 Direct your thoughts appropriately, either by affirmation or prayer. 

2 Exercise your body, which requires 2 hours of light exercise, 90 minutes of moderate exercise and 30 minutes of High Intensity Interval Training every day.

3 Practise Boosted Breathing while you exercise, especially using the Trauma Turning or God Breathing Tongue Position, or other, more specific, sounded laughing.

4 Drink Nature's Champagne - 1 litre/23kgs body weight.

5 Go Vitarian - organically grown or spray and dusting free fruits and vegetables, including seaweeds and 2-3 Brazil nuts daily if you are in Australian.

6 Get enough Supersoft Sunshine every day.

7 Rest by sleeping with the sun and meditating in the early morning. 

8 Substitute poor health habits with better ones. For example, substitute caffeine with the Incredible Hulk formula of selenium, iron and copper from Brazil nuts, tahini and pecan nuts. They give you high energy all day long without the need to re-stimulate, because of their nutrition for your red blood cells.


No more up and down energy swings, just high energy all day long! So no more need for coffee, cola, tea, guarana, cocoa, cacao and their related products, or sugar and white flour products. 

9 Self-study - testing what you need, when, by using Breath Testing and Press Testing.


All healing that you might attribute to this website comes from you, or Jesus Christ or God. This website does not make any claims to heal, nor that one method that works for one person will work for another. Breath Test each method to discover what works best for you. 


All rights are reserved. No part of this website may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage or retrieval system, without written permission from the author, except for the inclusion of quotations in a review.


The purpose of this website is to educate. The information and techniques contained in this website are based upon research information that is the intellectual property of the author and the personal and professional experiences of the author.

The website owner assumes no responsibility or liability for any omissions or errors in its content. The information contained in this site is provided on an "as is" basis with no guarantees of completeness, accuracy, usefulness or timeliness. 

This website is offered with the understanding that the author and publisher shall have neither liability nor responsibility to any person or entity with respect to any loss, damage, or injury caused or alleged to be caused, directly or indirectly by the information and procedures contained in this book. For all matters pertaining to your physical health, please contact a fully qualified practitioner.


The information presented herein is in no way intended as a substitute for professional advice. This information simply serves as an educational source regarding the research, quality and applications of various health products.


We teach an educational program so that you can teach yourself how to look into health matters. We do not endorse any medical product by any company or organisation and will not be liable in case of injury due to misuse or overuse of any product.


This literature is given only as a quick information guide for students and teachers and should not be referred to as medical advice or otherwise. For all serious health conditions, seek the advice of a fully qualified teacher. To learn more, including how to handle over 300 different symptoms, contact a fully qualified professional.


The author, publisher and distributors make no curative claims about products referred to in this website, or its promotional material, or quotations from the website included in a review. We will not be liable in case of injury due to misuse or overuse of this product.


The educational information in this website is provided only as a quick information guide for you and your health guide and makes no claims as to the uses of the products and should not be referred to as medical advice or otherwise.

Privacy Policy

 We are committed to providing quality services to you and this policy outlines our ongoing obligations to you in respect of how we manage your Personal Information.

We have adopted the Australian Privacy Principles (APPs) contained in the Privacy Act 1988 (Cth) (the Privacy Act). The NPPs govern the way in which we collect, use, disclose, store, secure and dispose of your Personal Information.

A copy of the Australian Privacy Principles may be obtained from the website of The Office of the Australian Information Commissioner at

What is Personal Information and why do we collect it?

Personal Information is information or an opinion that identifies an individual. Examples of Personal Information we collect include: names, addresses, email addresses, phone and facsimile numbers.

This Personal Information is obtained in many ways including interviews, correspondence, by telephone and facsimile, by email, via our website, from your website, from media and publications, from other publicly available sources, from cookies- and from third parties. We don’t guarantee website links or policies of authorised third parties.

We collect your Personal Information for the primary purpose of providing our services to you, providing information to our clients and marketing. We may also use your Personal Information for secondary purposes closely related to the primary purpose, in circumstances where you would reasonably expect such use or disclosure. You may unsubscribe from our mailing/marketing lists at any time by contacting us in writing.

When we collect Personal Information we will, where appropriate and where possible, explain to you why we are collecting the information and how we plan to use it.

Sensitive Information

Sensitive information is defined in the Privacy Act to include information or opinion about such things as an individual's racial or ethnic origin, political opinions, membership of a political association, religious or philosophical beliefs, membership of a trade union or other professional body, criminal record or health information.

Sensitive information will be used by us only:

•           For the primary purpose for which it was obtained

•           For a secondary purpose that is directly related to the primary purpose

•           With your consent; or where required or authorised by law.

Third Parties

Where reasonable and practicable to do so, we will collect your Personal Information only from you. However, in some circumstances we may be provided with information by third parties. In such a case we will take reasonable steps to ensure that you are made aware of the information provided to us by the third party.

Disclosure of Personal Information

Your Personal Information may be disclosed in a number of circumstances including the following:

•           Third parties where you consent to the use or disclosure; and

•           Where required or authorised by law.

Security of Personal Information

Your Personal Information is stored in a manner that reasonably protects it from misuse and loss and from unauthorized access, modification or disclosure.

When your Personal Information is no longer needed for the purpose for which it was obtained, we will take reasonable steps to destroy or permanently de-identify your Personal Information. However, most of the Personal Information is or will be stored in client files which will be kept by us for a minimum of 7 years.

Access to your Personal Information

You may access the Personal Information we hold about you and to update and/or correct it, subject to certain exceptions. If you wish to access your Personal Information, please contact us in writing.

Toilet Music for Constipated Lovers will not charge any fee for your access request, but may charge an administrative fee for providing a copy of your Personal Information.

In order to protect your Personal Information we may require identification from you before releasing the requested information.

Maintaining the Quality of your Personal Information

It is important to us that your Personal Information is up to date. We  will  take reasonable steps to make sure that your Personal Information is accurate, complete and up-to-date. If you find that the information we have is not up to date or is inaccurate, please advise us as soon as practicable so we can update our records and ensure we can continue to provide quality services to you.

Policy Updates

This Policy may change from time to time and is available on our website.

Privacy Policy Complaints and Enquiries

If you have any queries or complaints about our Privacy Policy please contact us at:

Abusive Behaviour

If you abuse me or those who teach with me you will be banned from my classes, seminars, webinars and consultations. Since I hold the keys to transforming your life from misery to wellness, do not abuse Cheeky Monkey or any other monkeys, chimps, gorillas or orang utans.

Physical Abuse

Hitting, punching, kicking, stabbing and poking will not be tolerated and will result in an immediate ban from my classes and consultations, offline and online.

 Verbal Abuse

Shouting, yelling and raising your voice in anger will not be tolerated and will result in an immediate ban from my classes and consultations, offline and online.

Sexual Abuse

Sexual harrassment, intimidation and pressure will not be tolerated and will result in an immediate ban from my classes and consultations, offline and online.

Financial Abuse

Not paying up front when asked will not be tolerated and will result in an immediate ban from my classes and consultations, offline and online.

Trust and Time Abuse

Disrespecting another's time by not attending an agreed meeting for no solid reason, not doing what you commit to do (passive/aggressive behaviours) and delaying processes and actions will not be tolerated and will result in an immediate ban from my classes and consultations, offline and online.

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